


love me when im quiet?

by shxme



Series: and so they are alone [4]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Aren't we all?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, kayn is fragile sometimes, no smut but kinda veers near that direction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 12:44:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20582717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shxme/pseuds/shxme
Summary: He trips.(set in the astaa universe but can be read alone.)





	love me when im quiet?

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this to make up for the late update for 'a lesson in lethality' but then i forgot to publish it. 
> 
> i wanted to write something soft because the last thing i wrote for this au was smut. wanted to explore some burnt ends with zed and rhaast i guess? im a sucker for hurt/comfort.

** _“Two days out, maybe three.” _ **Rhaast says.

Kayn swats at a bug on his arm, the jungle is full of them. Black gnats and shiny green flies. Annoyances.

“Until we reach the river?” It’s an easier trip once they get to the winding river and he is looking forward to it. The air is muggy and humid today, same as yesterday and the day before. It weighs heavy across Kayn’s shoulders. 

Rhaast nods, distracted. He’s been more and more distracted with each passing day. Kayn can’t blame him. They’ve spent enough time together for him to know how much this means to Rhaast. The darkin keeps pushing ahead, oblivious to the heat and bugs and pending exhaustion. 

Shieda keeps up with him but his head is full of flies. They’ve been trekking through the jungle for four days already with limited rest and supplies. He is dehydrated and tired but Rhaast doesn’t falter so Kayn won’t either.

He can’t wait to get to the river. It will break up the monotony of the harsh jungle. They could be travelling in circles through the same stretch of wilderness and Kayn would not be able to tell. The occasional breaks in trees do not make up for the bugs and the humidity. 

He wonders, not for the first time, what they will find when they reach Shurima. What will they get from this journey? Kayn isn’t sure anything will come from Rhaast’s obsession. Perhaps the rumors are all false and the city remains buried. And then what? They will have journeyed miserable weeks for nothing. 

Too lost in thought, he doesn’t react in time to the root that catches his foot. Kayn trips to the ground ungracefully, catching himself before he faceplants in the grass. He hisses in pain and embarrassment. 

Ahead of him, Rhaast laughs, raspy and deep. He crosses back to Kayn and offers a hand. ** _“How clumsy.”_ **

His face burns with humiliation. He doesn’t respond but he doesn’t take Rhaast’s hand either. Gets to his feet by himself and brushes the dirt off his clothes. A twinge of pain sparks up his ankle but Rhaast has already started moving again. Kayn follows behind him. He’s tired, that’s why he tripped. Wouldn’t do that normally. Can easily blame that on weariness. 

Unfortunately, over the course of an hour the small twist of pain strengthens into something awful. Kayn’s ankle goes stiff, so that he can’t even put weight or bend his foot without horrendous pain shooting up his leg. For a while longer he desperately tries to keep going but he lags behind Rhaast even further, until he stops moving entirely and shakily slides to the ground. Watches Rhaast’s back between the trees. 

Everything catches up to him. Shame. _ Oh _ the shame. What a mistake. He swats miserably at the flies buzzing around him. What an inconvenience. It’s too _ hot. _ Too humid. He’s too _ tired. _Too thirsty.

Rhaast had not been bothered. Because he is not human. _ Once, _ Kayn knows he was. But now he does not work the same way. Instead Shieda is suddenly a liability. He wishes he could sink into the ground. _ Useless. _He hates feeling useless. Now he can’t even walk. Rhaast will laugh at him. Be upset too. The momentum they’ve carried since Piltover stops with Kayn.

He sucks in a lungful of humid air. “Rhaast!” 

When there is no immediate answer he calls out again. Weaker, more ashamed. “Rhaast.”

He’d had several injuries when he’d been with Zed’s order. Every time he is bedridden he feels the most hopeless. No one would want him if he couldn’t be useful. Zed wouldn’t have wanted him in the first place if he’d been unable to walk. Kayn thinks about that bitterly. 

How far he’s come just to sit in the dirt. Ineffective compared to Rhaast, and now damaged too. 

A poisonous part of his mind wonders if the darkin considers him a liability. Perhaps now. His head hurts. Mouth is far too dry. And the _ bugs _are everywhere. 

The scrape of branches alerts him to Rhaast, stomping back through the brush towards him. He stops when he sees Kayn, tilts his head ever so slightly.

“I—” Shieda stops. Doesn’t know how to explain. Ruined pride wraps around his throat.

Rhaast moves closer. Mocking. ** _“Need a break?” _ **He issues it like a challenge, daring him to say yes. Kayn can feel the faint thrum of shrewd humor through their frail bond. 

Except this isn’t a joke.

He looks away, finally too embarrassed to make eye contact. “I can’t walk.” 

Rhaast’s relaxed shoulders tense. He crouches and pushes Kayn’s hands aside to examine his leg. 

“I think it’s sprained,” Kayn says quietly. 

Rhaast hisses in annoyance. ** _“How clumsy,” _ **he repeats from earlier. This time there is no laughter with his words.

Kayn is not one to ever apologize. Now is an exception. Too much is weighing down on him. 

“Sorry,” he mutters, _ weak. _He uncaps his waterskin by habit, even knowing that there are only a few mouthfuls of precious water left. His hand shakes until he forces it still. 

Rhaast’s palm presses against Kayn’s forehead. Strange. Then he pulls the hood of his cloak over Kayn’s head. 

** _“Unfortunate,” _ **he growls with less bite. 

With a little maneuvering, Rhaast gets one arm under Kayn’s legs and the other under his back. He lifts him up and there is a second of awkward flailing before Kayn gives up.

So _ useless. _He presses his face against Rhaast’s neck and pulls his hood down even lower. 

Rhaast carries him in silence. In the quiet, Kayn’s thoughts only grow louder. A lethal assassin halted by a petty injury. His own fault no less. If he’d just been paying more attention.

Eventually they cross into a clearing, a small glade blanketed with unruly grass. Rhaast sets Kayn down to lean against a thick tree as the sky goes gray with night. He watches as Rhaast unslings his scythe from his back and drops his pack off his belt. 

He wants the grass to grow over him. Make him disappear. He is sure that without him, Rhaast would not have stopped at all.

** _“Here.” _ **Rhaast crouches next to him takes the end of his cloak. He rips a long strip of fabric off the bottom of it. Kayn helps him slip his boot off, hissing in pain. Rhaast wraps the shred of cloth tightly around his ankle, till he can’t even try to bend it. Kayn wants to break the silence, but he doesn’t know what to say to soften the mood. It remains terrible as Rhaast hands him his own waterskin and quickly sets about building a small fire, tearing away grass and organizing a ring of stones. Shieda knocks his head against the trunk behind him, swatting at gnats.

When he would be bedridden before, Zed would not take care of him. He would leave him to recover alone, assign others to watch him. It has always been clear to Kayn that if he is not able-bodied then he is nothing. Shame continues to wash over him like smoke rising from the small fire. With one misstep he’s turned into a burden. He knows how much Rhaast wants to get to Shurima. Can read it on his body with every glance towards the sky. The frustration in his voice still echoes in Kayn’s head. 

_ Unfortunate. _

Rhaast kneels in front of him. The fire at his back outlines his body in warm light. Shieda doesn’t meet his eyes. Instead just traces the grooves on his body with his worn out stare. Admires all his sharp edges. Kayn is in love with his sharp edges, maybe in love with Rhaast too, if either of them were ever inclined to spit romance so sweetly. 

** _“Look at me.” _ **Rhaast orders. 

Kayn does, forcing aside reluctance. He is _ not _a coward. Even broken pride will not allow that. The darkin’s gaze is unreadable. Kayn can imagine his irritation.

“Sorry,” he whispers again.

Rhaast crowds closer, slipping between his legs to hover over him. One of his hands finds Kayn’s side, smoothing past the curve of his hip. The other cradles the back of his neck. 

“What are you doing?” There is so little space between them. Kayn spreads his fingers flat across Rhaast’s chest hesitantly. “Right _ now, _Rhaast?”

** _“I forget how mortal you are.” _ **

He bristles at that, immediately tries to push him away. “I’m not weak.”

Rhaast is immovable. In fact, he slips nearer, sliding up until Kayn’s legs are around his waist. ** _“Not a bad thing,” _ **he rumbles, low and calming. Gentle.

Shieda barks a laugh, cold and unhappy. “Don’t humor me.” He feels cornered. There is no hiding from the fact that he is now a hindrance to their entire journey. All the way from Ionia and only _ now _does he mess it up. 

The hand on the back of his neck moves to his jaw. ** _“As if I would.” _ **Soothing. 

Rising smoke from the campfire has thankfully driven away a lot of the bugs. Kayn will blame the stinging in his eyes on that as well. 

“Rhaast I can’t walk,” he confesses quietly. “It’s—I’m not—” His mouth is so dry, opens and closes a few times helplessly before Rhaast presses the waterskin into his hand. He takes a long drink, unsure how exactly to explain his worry.

“Useful,” he finishes quietly.

** _“Useful,” _ **Rhaast scoffs. His broad shoulders bounce with silent laughter. Kayn can feel his face flushing red with embarrassment. 

“Stop laughing at me.”

Rhaast shuffles backwards, pulling Kayn along with him, until the tree trunk is out of reach and Kayn props himself up on his elbows to glare. There is a gleam in the darkin’s eye. After a moment Shieda gives up and rests flat on the ground, staring up at the sky. A few stars have emerged, dim in the dusk. 

“My head hurts,” he admits. “I’m tired. There’s too many bugs in the jungle, Rhaast.” He feels strange saying stuff like this aloud. Vulnerable. But that’s how he feels. When he’s struck down he is at his worst. So _ useless. _“Now I can’t walk. Rhaast—“ Worthlessness claws heavily through his mind. Glad he can’t see him. “Would you still—want me if I couldn’t—”

** _“Yes,” _ **Rhaast cuts him off, climbs over top of him to push the bottom of his shirt up. Kayn doesn’t stop him. He is tired. Watches the smoke waft lazily towards the treetops. Perhaps he has never felt this awful. 

His cloak is unclasped and his shirt is wrestled over his head without any protest. An odd time, Kayn thinks, for this kind of thing. The grass scratches against his back uncomfortably. 

** _“My fault,” _ ** Rhaast hums. ** _“I should have taken more care for you. You are so human.” _ **

Smoke continues to sting his eyes. He drapes his forearm across his face. “I _ know _ that _ . _” 

** _“So soft.” _ ** Rhaast pokes him in the side. His claws drag up the dark marks patterned on Kayn’s skin. ** _“Fragile.” _ **

“Stop.”

Rhaast pulls his arm away from his face. Kayn finally looks at him. Framed red and dangerous. To everyone else, a threat.

** _“I would want you.” _ ** The air is still. ** _“I would want you even if you could never walk again.” _ **

Kayn props himself up on his elbows once more. Rhaast’s hands continue to explore his body, mapping out his waist, trailing easily around his bicep.

** _“I would carry you to Shurima myself.” _ ** Rhaast’s mood blurs over Shieda. He can barely feel it through their strange connection. Settling calm. ** _“I’ve known hundreds of humans and I’ve killed countless more. You are the one I would keep.”_ **

At his point, Kayn understands how easily he is won over by sweet words. Rhaast knows this too. For Kayn he always seems to find the right thing to say. A weakness perhaps. He will allow it.

Rhaast settles back to sit on the grass and Kayn clumsily scrambles into his lap. He wants more comfort. More sweet things so his head will stop aching. He presses his cheek against Rhaast’s, enjoys the pressure of his palms smoothing down his back. 

“Tell me more,” he pleads, voice cracking.

** _“If you lost your sight I would explain the moon.” _ ** A squeeze on the back of his neck. ** _ “And if you became deaf I'd describe praise on your skin.”_ **

Despite the warmth, a shiver travels all the way up Shieda’s body. He sighs. “I don’t care about anyone else, only you.”

** _“I would pick a thousand battles for you, I would win a thousand wars.” _ **

A small smile sneaks across his face. Feels a little better now. He should already know by now, Rhaast is not like Zed. He won’t treat him so callously. Zed was a hunter looking for the sharpest blade. Rhaast is a dragon guarding his hoard. The realization quells his awful mood. 

Maybe he won’t be able to walk when morning comes. A few days where he must be carried? That’s not so different from how it was in Ionia. Rhaast is simply returning the favor.

Kayn will always find safety in the fact that Rhaast will hold him while he’s quiet. Even when Shieda’s night falls, the world will burn by his side. 

**Author's Note:**

> hope u guys liked it. my tumblr is @no-shxme if you ever want to send suggestions, ideas, etc. i post some short stuff on there that i dont post here as well. kudos and comments are super appreciated! i try to respond to every one. thank you for all of your support.


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